Serendipity, Whimsy, and Funhouse mirrors
It’s only the start of the third week this year, and I’m looking back at a hectic couple of weeks at work, new school for the older one, farewell to the younger one’s crib, the start of potty training, farewell to my wisdom teeth (and all the fun that entails - in case you’re wondering, I am NOT a fan of mushy food), and both kids being hit hard with a severe cold the same weekend as Friday the 13th, Bhogi Panduga / Sankranthi, and an out of town dance program for the dance class students. Also, things have been busy on the creative front - still in nascent stages, but work is happening.
I didn’t realize how on-the-nose my last post would end up being. ("We can do hard things”, she wrote, inviting the gremlins…)
But, I’m here, albeit sleep-deprived, and I’m marveling over how despite all the chaos, things are moving forward. And, I’m grateful that at 32, I’m better able to navigate chaos than I was at, say, 23. A few different things on my mind today -
First, I have to, have to, have to share the story behind our bommala koluvu (pictured above). We started putting a koluvu up two years ago, back when we were in our own home, and given that we’re in a more temporary living arrangement at the moment, most of our belongings are boxed up and away, and while we likely could have reassembled our bommala koluvu stand, frankly, I was just too tired from the last few days of sick kids and sleep deprivation.
My initial plan was to light a lamp for a single doll (the turtle) and do better next year, but the six-year old, Nikhil, said “Why not two, Amma?” before wishing we could locate the model plane he had built for last year’s koluvu. So, we began looking about for what to use for the second figurine, and ended up amassing Nikhil’s personal Krishna, the peacock (from our last trip to India), Bertel’s gratitude tree, the coconut monkey (which has journeyed with us across decades at this point), and the bird phone holder (because “it’ll be lonely otherwise”). Since Bertel’s ikebana floral thing usually lives on that (TV-less) TV stand, I figured we could incorporate it too (pairing it with the airplane, since that reminded me of the lovely green displays at Changi Airport).
I remembered electric diyas were still in the garage from when I did a Diwali presentation for Nikhil’s school, so I ventured downstairs, and found one of our boxes from last year’s koluvu right by them. In it were saris and shawls we had used last year, as well as an assortment of dolls, including Nikhil’s model plane, the Konark Wheel from our trip to Konark over twenty years ago, our many happy Ganapatis, the two dolls that my dad had bought from Mexico (back when I was probably Nikhil’s age and still living in Singapore) and the blue bead swing they’re napping in (hand-made by my late grandmother), and of course, our Laughing Sitting Buddha (considered good fortune in Singapore).
So, in a short few hours (and after retrieving one very dusty storage container from under the bed to form the bottom step), we were able to pull together this rag-tag koluvu (extra proud Amma moment: the lowest step was entirely Nikhil and his sister’s vision in execution, down to the sari being his favorite color). How serendipitous!
Second, what happened moments ago -
2-year-old: Daddy, can you help me?
Bertel: You and your brother don’t have to only ask me. Your Amma’s right there.
2-year-old: I want nap.
Bertel: Snack?
2-year-old: Nap. Nap. I want nap.
Me: Do you want a nap? I can take you - want to come with me?
2-year-old (running over to me with arms lifted): Huuuug please
Then, as I carry her off to her bed: Thank you Daddy
Third, after receiving the recordings from my program the Friday before last, I’ve been slowing making my way through the videos and back through the photos (you might see them trickling into my socials over the next few days). Upon my initial viewing, it was very easy to catalog the flaws in my dance, to the point where I began to wonder about the positive comments I’d received at all.
On Saturday, while I couldn’t join our dance class kids for their performance at the Siva Vishnu Temple in Maryland, I eager watched the videos recorded by parents and felt proud of their hard work, which I thought came through clearly in the video. When I met them in dance class yesterday, however, the younger group of students (for whom this was the first performance on a different stage) were running a similar reel of criticisms about their presentation. It took the combined force of Amma and me to try and convince them that they should be showing grace toward their own work, and focus on what went well, too, and celebrate the milestone (and a lot went really well! Their formations needed some work, hence their frustration, but that comes with experience and time).
It was a reminder that we have a tendency to look at ourselves through fun house mirrors, insidious because of their ability to warp reality and reflect kernels of truth back to us in a way that is unrecognizable. It was also a reminder that if I wanted our students to have look at both the good and the bad instead of fixating on the flaws, I need to do the same.
So, as I make my way back through the performance video, I’m going to look for the good too.
